#The Undeserved and Unfinished

[ace-writer-lani]

Edit: lol I have decided to give the first sentence of each fic

-TCoS&D: "To put it lightly, Bianca was stressed."

-TLLoG: "Silently, Nico slipped into the office where he found Will hunched over...something."

-AA&A: "'He's watching again.'"

-TU&U: "'You're going to be late.'"

-AFR: "Jason thought he had died."

-L&L: "'Finished,' Will announced, barging into the room."

-LT: "The black-haired girl was starting to creep Clarisse out."

[hivemuthur]

Been thinking about Viktor who gets hard when you put your head in his lap… I dunno if this is anything but it’s captivated me.

Hi Anon! Captivated me too.

Nothing, Really

viktor-centric, but gn!reader mentioned, explicit - just some horny internal struggle.

word count: 1,1K

author’s note: Artist is @petitesieste because I have no self-control over her art. Oh, and happy Freakday!

—

It’s nothing really. Just the press of cheek, warm and plump against his thigh, moulding softly to the shape of his bone. Breath coming evenly, heating up the fabric of his pants, turning skin underneath into molten molasses.

And still, nothing, he tells himself. Nothing to be fussed about. The body responds the way branches bend under snow—gradual, involuntary, cracking only when the weight becomes too much. It’s just the proximity, the weight of your skull nestled right there—just there—where he is all nerve and ache and stupid, hopeless tension.

He doesn’t move, wouldn’t dare. Even the clench of fingers on his knee feels too loud, like guilt crawling under skin. He tries to think of the schematics left unfinished on the bench. Cold, sharp logic. Brass casings. Coil compression. Anything but the way your hair has spilled over his thigh like waterweed in a slow river, soft and tangled and alive.

Your breath shifts. A sigh, maybe. He watches your face through the edges of his eyelids, drinks in the slack parting of your mouth, the lashes fallen like shadows across your cheek. His hands and feet burn, skin alight with that particular warm dirt that clings—the kind only cold water can rinse away and soothe.

And he aches. Not just the usual kind, not the metal-throb in his spine or the occasional complaint of muscle—but something else, stranger and older, making his heart beat slow and heavy in his chest. The ache of want with nowhere to go, of reverence eating him alive.

He thinks of touching you, and immediately chastens himself. As if the thought alone might wake you. As if you might hear the pulse of it somewhere in his veins, violent and hot and spilling into nothing.

So he just sits. Lets you sleep. Lets his body settle into discomfort and his breath scrape quiet through his nose. He will not shift. He will not wake you. He will not ruin this—whatever this is.

Even if his body burns. Even if you stir, murmuring something that could be his name, and presses just a little closer. He clamps his jaw tight and counts heartbeats. Then abandons the effort entirely.

Because it’s not just your weight against him now. It’s your mouth—slack, parted, your breath a warm spill through lips gone soft with sleep. It’s the way his cock throbs with the thought of parting that mouth further, of pressing the blunt head past your tongue, easing into that heat inch by aching inch. Of watching your cheeks swell full with him, flushed with blood and effort, the way they would hollow on the pull back.

He thinks about the way your throat would move, how it would open for him, close around him. How your tongue would tense—how you might whimper, or try to breathe through your nose, and fail. How his hand would fit at your jaw, his thumb over your cheekbone, holding you in place, but gently. How it might slip lower, to your neck, just to feel it—your throat working, swallowing.

He imagines wiping away the tear that would break, hot and bright, from the corner of your eye. Not because he’s cruel, not because he’d ever want to hurt you, but because some part of him—deep, shamed, locked away—wants to be the reason for your tears, the good kind. Wants to fill your mouth with something sacred and selfish.

His hips twitch, traitorous. A pulse of slick need. He doesn’t breathe. And still, you sleep. Still, your breath glances his lap, soaks into his skin like a blessing undeserved. Then, another twitch—this time his fingers, hovering over your temple, the tips nearly melting, pouring over your cheekbones. He shouldn’t touch, he knows. But want is a marrow-deep thing, and it has eaten through his good sense, hollowed him out with ache.

He traces the air just above your skin, not brushing. Imagining how you’d lean into it if he let himself touch you—how your lashes might flutter, how your mouth might shape itself around his name again, soft and heavy with sleep. A single inch, and he could touch you. It feels like a hundred miles.

In that inch—between your skin and his—is everything at once: the possible, the impossible. He hovers at the edge of it, blood flooding away from thought, leaving his mind unspooled and stammering. His body is louder now than language, than reason.

The fabric of his trousers bites into him—tight, punishing, a prison barely holding him back. But it’s not just that. It’s his skin, too, stretched thin over bone and longing, as if he’s outgrown himself in the span of a breath. The heat rises—cheeks, chest, throat—flushed and frantic.

He makes the only choice he can. Tries to calm himself. Shoves his mind toward mundanity, toward anything else. His hand falls to the cushion beside you, curls into a fist so tight the nails press sharp crescents into his palm. Nearly breaking skin.

Slowly, the sharpness recedes. The ache remains, but duller now, like the memory of hunger. The space between his legs loosens. Not peace—just a ceasefire.

He tips his head back against the couch, throat bare, eyes shut, lungs dragging in deep, measured breaths. Trying not to think. Trying not to feel. Suspended in coertion.

So he doesn’t see the way your lashes flutter. Doesn’t feel your gaze, drowsy and uncertain, land on him. The only shift is the sudden absence of weight in his lap. A ghost-ache left behind. It lodges there, behind his sternum, where ribs cage breath, and higher still—his throat, gone thick and rigid.

You’ve risen. He feels it more than he sees it. Feels it in the cold patch of fabric where your cheek had rested, in the silence that follows the loss of your warmth. When he opens his eyes, you’re watching him. Wordless. Still sunk in the quiet of sleep, or something close to it.

He has nothing for you. Not truth, not denial. Just a low, breathless chuckle that hitches in his chest, a hopeless scrap of sound carrying more apology than it should.

But you don’t take it. The absence on his thigh is replaced by something else—your palm, soft and sure against his cheek. It stills him utterly. And then, the prayer he didn’t dare voice is answered. Your lips meet his. Quiet. Certain. Want and knowing stitched into the seam between you.

[emthephantom]

From Afar- Namgyu/ Player 124

Namgyu x F!Reader Namgyu hates you, right? So why does he save you in that fateful third game? Warnings: None Words: 1394 A/N: This is honestly so ooc but we roll and the ending is so rushed im sorry, I honestly need more fluff for this man. I hope you guys enjoy :)

You and Namgyu never got along. Since the first game he, along with his gang, teased you relentlessly for being reserved and alone. While it was mainly Thanos who did it, Namgyu would laugh along, building on the comments. You’d try your best to ignore them, usually retreating to Gi-Hun and his team for their comfort. They never minded your presence, welcoming you into their conversations and giving reassuring words. They took your focus away from the posse that tormented you.  

With your lack of acknowledgement, you never noticed how Namgyu’s eyes would follow you as you walked away, how they searched for you in the hoard of people rushing to find teams. He watched you all the time, protecting you from afar. He'd never admit it but at night, laying cold in his bunk, guilt would consume him. You were amazing, kind to the undeserving, kind to him. Every night he’d wrap the blanket tighter around his shivering form, wishing you were there, laid next to him. 

After anxiously awaiting in the main room for what felt like years, Namgyu perks up as the door opens. The pentathlon was a nerve-wracking game, one he couldn’t protect you from. His gaze lands on your hunching form, following behind Gi-Hun. You glance over at him, seeing the corners of his lips turned up. ‘He’s probably glad he still has someone to bully’, you thought. Thanos goes to stand, ready to tease you but Namgyu stops him, ‘You need rest’ he repeats in his mind. ‘Wait till she has more energy.’ he says, and to his surprise, his purple haired friend listens. That night, Namgyu doesn’t sleep, instead keeping a close eye on your bunk, protecting you from afar.  

The third game is chaotic. You’ve survived the past 4 rounds, Young-Il managing to grab you each time. The music starts again and the platform begins to rotate again. You look around, searching for Namgyu- why? You don't know. ‘There’s only 50 doors and 126 players.’ Young-Il says. You ignore the sinking feeling in your stomach and ready yourself to join him, gaining confidence that you will survive.  

‘2’ 

Young-Il grabs Jung-Bae, not you. You try find Gi-Hun, but he’s gone. Jun-Hee, gone. Hyun-Ju, gone. You were going to die. Getting ready to face your end, you remain still, closing your eyes as you prepare for the inevitable gunshot. A tear escapes as you remember all the unfinished business you had; you weren’t supposed to go this early. 

A pair of hands grab you and push you into a yellow room. ‘What were you doing! Why didn’t you move!’ Your eyes shoot open as you realise it was Namgyu who had saved you. His body pressed tightly against the door, preventing others from throwing you out. You couldn’t stop the tears from flowing, you start to sob, pulling your knees to your chest; a close encounter with death was not an easy thing to deal with.  

The locks click and Namgyu crouches beside you and without a word, brings you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you. You grab his shoulders tightly and let yourself cry into his chest. His lips kiss your head every so often, whispers of reassurance spilling from him. Namgyu tilts your head up, making you look at him. The softness in his eyes is unexpected but not unwanted. He uses his sleeve to wipe your eyes and despite the circumstances, he still thinks you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. 

‘Why aren’t you with your friend?’ 

‘You were going to die.’ he says plainly, the sincerity in his eyes never wavering. Namgyu takes your hand in his, rubbing your knuckles gently. He knows Thanos will be pissed; they were in that room together before he spotted you, his feet taking him towards you before he could think. He’s proud of his actions, even if it means more enemies. 

The doors open and Namgyu helps you stand, not letting go of your hand. You walk out, hoping he would stay by you, but he spots Thanos, the glare on his face telling him everything. Namgyu begins walking towards him but you stop him. He rips his hand from your grasp and walks, looking back with a look you couldn’t decipher. You look down in disappointment knowing that the things that happened in that room would never occur again.  

Anxiously awaiting your turn, your gaze never faulters from the screen, the O’s winning by one. Hope is a thing of the past by now, you knew deep down you weren’t going home. Your number is called and you press the red button, immediately walking to the correct side of the room. Time passes quickly and soon Namgyu steps up. You watch him closely, wishing there was an explanation for earlier. He looks back in search for you and sees your tear-stained face. Not wanting to face what could have been, you look to your blood-stained shoes. A beep sounds and you wince, ‘another game, just one more game and maybe we’ll leave.’ 

A warm hand intertwines with yours and you look up. Namgyu stands beside you, a red patch in place of his blue one but he’s avoiding your stare, instead glaring at Thanos. He fidgets with your fingers as he watches everyone else go up to vote, and you find yourself twirling his rings as a way to calm your racing heart. His grip tightens when Young-Il steps up. The Xs were winning by one, you just needed him to do the right thing. Namgyu senses your discomfort and pulls you into a hug, hiding your head in his chest. He strokes your back lovingly as he watches Young-Il. 

In-Ho had two options, stop the games or continue torturing the former player. He looks over to the side, hoping to find Gi-Hun but is met with you and Namgyu. The sight of him comforting you brought back memories In-Ho tried so hard to suppress. You, a strong willed but soft woman, mimicked his late wife. Namgyu, calculated and cold, was a younger version of him. His wife’s voice rings out in his head and he knows what to do. 

Cheers erupt from your side after the beep and you look at the score. 

51-49. You were going home. Namgyu cups your cheeks, finally looking at you, ‘Let me be with you, please.’ he blurts out. In that moment you realise what the look from before meant- love. And you felt it too.  

‘Really?’ you ask, worried he was making fun of you again. 

‘I don’t want to be without you, I need to make it up to you.’ You smile and nod at the man, ‘Okay.’ 

The two of you are dropped off in a random alley. As unusual as it was to see each other without the green tracksuits it was nice to finally have a sense of normality. Namgyu’s hand finds its way to the small of your back leading you away.  

‘I’m sorry.’ he says suddenly. 

‘It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean it.’ Confused, Namgyu stops, turning towards you.  

‘I saw you a couple times, looking at me with those eyes.’  

He chuckles to himself as he drags you along the road, leading you to a small shop. He forces you to sit at a nearby table and places a small kiss on your forehead, promising to return. Left alone, you drift away with thoughts. The games were horrible, but something good came out of it. The cold night makes you shiver but the stars shine warmly across the night sky. You wonder is they always shone that brightly, if the moon was as beautiful before, if the night was always so peaceful. 

Namgyu returns and sits across from you, placing a small cake in the middle. ‘What? It’s our first date and we’re celebrating.’ He digs into the cake and you follow, the sweet frosting taking over your tastebuds. Comfortable silence settles between you, the atmosphere is calmer, something you could get used to. You spare a fleeting glance at the man in front of you, but he’s already looking at you.  

‘What?’ you ask, a small smile appearing on your face. Namgyu doesn’t say anything, instead reaching over the table to place his hand over yours. 

‘I’m glad I met you Y/N.’ 

[yuki2sksksk]

Just watched the first episode of KNY season 4 and I absolutely love the animation. The breathing style, the soundtracks and everything. It's only the first episode but it's very chaotic already 🤣

Giyushino rambling here, but I love the subtle signs of Shinobu's concern over Giyuu. You can see it in the way she asked him to explain himself on leaving the unfinished meeting, how she said something along the line of Giyuu keeps leaving things out of context. Unlike the others who seemed mildly annoyed and ticked off by his distant attitude, Shinobu just wants his explanation, for him to speak out and make efforts to not be misunderstood. Even after the meeting, she raised the question regarding Giyuu's participation in the training.

Giyuu keeps worrying her to no end. Sometimes with how they act towards each other, I wonder if Shinobu made it clear to Giyuu that she wanted him to make acquaintance with the other slayers and he was just like "no thank you" so that pissed her off and she made it her mission to annoy him " you have no friends lololol" just so he could get tired of her poking and heed her advice.

I think there's an understanding between Shinobu and Giyuu of their positions as Hashiras. Giyuu doesn't think he deserves it but he's not going to say it to Shinobu, who is physically the weakest and still managed to raise her rank. He might not get social cues much, but he thinks it would be an insult for the hardworking Insect Hashira if he steps down from his position just because he feels undeserved. And Shinobu, who's sharp and sometimes cares too much, probably picks up Giyuu's feelings over his position so maybe that's why she wants her to make friends with others just so he could make more connections and feel worthy of his spot.

Talking about Shinobu, I am betting that she gives Inosuke an earful of scolding after seeing the damage he did on the window.b

[sydneys-adamu]

okay but carmy and sydney’s conversation (or lack thereof) in apologies is just in direct opposition to their talk under the table and it’s,,, unbelievably delicious.

like optics wise the lighting, writing and direction are incredibly sterile and cold and silent (notice there’s absolutely no track playing behind them). carmy and syd are almost as far as they can get from each other while still having a conversation where as under the table they were as close as they could get without literally being on top of each other. and the difference is so distinct because it’s cold and disconnected but there’s one thing that connects these two scenes and actually holds the essence of who these two are to each other.

it’s the want. the want is still there.

you deserve my full focus. / I don’t want it to be so hard to keep up with me.

what if I just fuck up and fail? / I don’t think it’s my place to be [at ever]

I won’t let you. / it’s ever. you should come.

you’re not alone. / you should get some rest.

neither are you. / you good?

both times, no matter how close or far, the conversation can’t end with sydney feeling like a fuck up or undeserving despite the fact that carmen is unaware that is exactly how he’s making her feel not through his words but his actions.

it’s difficult, because he’s not trying to inflict this on her but he is and it’s making her spiral. sydney can’t find the words to bring it up so it’s left at “I’ve been wanting to talk about…” and “I wanna run something by you…” they’re frozen. and they’ve both been since friends and family.

but the thing is that being frozen doesn’t mean they don’t care about each other or that they want it to be this way it’s clear as day that they do not. they both hate the way things are and at this point carmy doesn’t see a reason he even deserves sydney’s concern. that’s why when she asks how he is he starts talking about a plate. a lifeless dish that carmy can’t seem to leave alone. even when syd tries to reach out to him he still wants it perfect for her so much that he’s pushed her out. just like he was during demo they’re all the same patterns.

one talk under a table was never gonna fix everything but it was a fundamental start. they have to keep growing from half truths and unfinished conversations even when they get uncomfortable. they have to work through the good and bad, the comfort of the bear not being open yet versus the reality of this life together they chose. the one they explicitly want together but don’t know how to handle yet.

it’s just a process that they’re handling like real people and it’s everything. literally everything to see them grow and see how painfully non-linear it is for them both. but all roads lead somewhere and both of theirs are heading straight toward each other until eventually they’re gonna fucking crash.

@ambeauty said this amazing thing about their inability to have a conversation above a table and it never left my head

[delightfulhidingnook]

His Best Knight, The Queen

(Dark Cacao Cookie x Reader)

Chapter 3

The battle between you and Hollyberry raged on for hours, but while her strength greatly outweighed yours, you made up for it in agility and speed. She’d have to catch you if she wanted to do any real damage and you were good at keeping a distance, that is until she managed to catch a hold of your ankle during one of your kicks.

“You got too close, hahaha!!”

She lifted you like you weighed nothing, swinging you into the air and slamming you back down to the ground, causing you to cough up some strawberry jam, absolutely knocking the wind out of your lungs. It was agony, but you shocked both of them after you picked yourself up, spitting out some jam before getting back into a fighting position.

“That all you got?”

“Hahaha!! I like your style, you’re strong-willed!!”

“Well, you’ll never catch me surrendering, not on your life!!”

Only once the sun began to set, did the battle finally end, both you and Hollyberry fallen in the snow, sweaty and exhausted from such a long fight. Dark Cacao approached the both of you and one by one, helped you up and sat you both back against the unfinished wall.

“I believe it is a tie.”

“Aw man!!” Hollyberry groaned.

You laughed “What a shame, I really did want to try some redber-”

“No, no you do not.” Dark Cacao interjected.

Hollyberry let out a small laugh “He’s just mad cuz last time he went overboard and ended up fighting trees and puking behind the tavern while our dear friends and I held his hair.”

“You were forcing those drinks into my system, I would have never displayed such acts of idiocy had I not been under the influence of that cursed beverage.”

“You’re already a display of idiocy when you’re sober, an ugly display too.”

Dark Cacao rolled his eyes and began petting Sweetie who had walked over to join the group and bury his face in the snow to clean his jelly-stained fur.

“Oh now that’s just being mean, Dark Cacao isn’t ugly.” You laughed.

“What is he then?” Hollyberry raises a brow as she looks at you.

“Well, he’s. . . . . .regal, yeah, he’s very regal.”

“Regal, sounds like a stretch, how so?”

“It’s not a stretch at all, ever since vanquishing the dragons he’s done nothing but help. He helps me collect firewood and do deliveries, he even fixed the local flour mill so we could make bread again, he’s even helping build this wall to protect the village, which he risked his life for by fighting off the invasion with me, that’s a king if I ever saw one, a regal leader.”

Dark Cacao was holding back a big smile as he listened to your praise about his help around the villages.

“Thank you Y/n, but I am undeserving of such praise.”

“Nonsense, you’re a huge help around here.”

Hollyberry finally stands back up, as she looks back and forth between you and Dark Cacao with a smug smile on her face before shrugging.

“Well, my offer of help with the wall still stands.” She offers you her hand to help you up and you gladly take it, dang, you really weigh nothing to her.

“We will take you up on that offer, then afterwards, you can introduce me to these other friends of yours over a cold glass of redberry juice.”

“It’s a deal, I’ll start heading back and shall return soon.”

And with that, she departed back to her kingdom, but not for long, returning with a team of cookies ready to assist in building the giant wall. Passing villagers would spend time and help out as well, though occasionally there would be a halt whenever the Licorice Village attempted another attack, but they would be no match for you, Dark Cacao, and Hollyberry. The wall stretched far beyond the Milk village, leaving plenty of room for expansion, and a gate was added for easy access or defense.

During the busy work, in between deliveries and wood gathering, you would talk with Hollyberry which lead to you both becoming good friends. She talked about past memories, and even brought up her and Dark Cacao’s other friends, Pure Vanilla, White Lily, and Golden Cheese. You also spent more time with Dark Cacao, even teaching him how to ride a cremewolf, needless to say, Hollyberry spent the entire day growing a six pack from how hard she laughed every time Dark Cacao fell off. But there were also peaceful moments of just the two of you sitting beneath a dead tree and talking, mostly you, he wasn’t really one to talk, but he was an excellent listener. He understood your burden of stress from caring for two villages nearly all by yourself, your grief for your friend Affogato who hadn’t said so much as a goodbye when he left. You relive that talk almost everyday in your head because it was the first time he had held your hand, it was warm and comforting, who knew a hardened soul was capable of such a gentle gesture.

It had taken months, but eventually the wall was finally done, you stood atop the structure beside Dark Cacao Cookie, admiring the view of the snowy mountains.

“It’s beautiful isn’t it, with this to help keep attackers out and invite newcomers in, I hope this place grows into something amazing.”

“Mmh.” Dark Cacao nods in agreement.

You turn and look at him, his calm expression looking outward at the view as his hands rested upon the handle of his blade, his long hair flowing with the gentle breeze.

“You are absolutely breathtaking.”

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing!! I said uh, this view is really breathtaking, wow, what a view am I right? Uh, I’m just gonna go check out and see what Hollyberry is up to- AH!!”

You were once again startled by the presence of the twins, Oat Milk and Almond Milk, both looking out at the view as well before turning to face you.

“Now this is a wall, unlike your pile of rocks, the integrity of this structure isn’t completely compromised.” Said Oat Milk.

“I will say though, I will miss watching the destruction and violence of battles, as well as occasionally participating, who will we trap now brother?” Asked Almond Milk.

“Perhaps we can advance our knowledge and skills to become elite forces for this future kingdoms defense, then we can push beyond the limits of our current lethality.”

They both walk up to you, putting their hands together as they plead, “Please can we be future special lethal forces for the kingdom, please please please.”

The look on your face expressed nothing but absolute terror, even Dark Cacao was side eyeing the boys with concern, you compose yourself as you knelt down to their level.

“Unfortunately kids, it’s not up to me, I’m not queen, there isn’t really anyone in charge yet, but I promise, whoever ends up ruling, I will put in a fantastic word for you two.”

They smiled and jumped in excitement before running off, “Come on Oaty, we gotta go tell mom.”

“Mom, we’re gonna be future lethal forces!!”

As Hollyberry walked over, she stared in the twins directions as they ran down the stairs of the wall before looking back at you, pointing her thumb over her shoulder as she held a confused expression on her face.

You sighed, getting back up on your feet, “Honestly I stopped asking myself what was up with those twins years ago, I introduced you to their parents remember? Banana Milk Cookie and Strawberry Milk Cookie.”

“Yeah, I remember, they were such kind and gentle souls, I can’t wrap my head around how two sugar sweet cookies could have such violence-prone offspring, anyways, enough of that, I was coming to tell you, since the wall is done, I would like to formally invite you to the Hollyberry Kingdom to drink and dine with my friends and I.”

“I can’t wait to meet them, it’s gonna be so exciting, I should get my best coat!” You giggled.

“I’ll see you then, I’ve got to go prepare.” Said Hollyberry as she departed.

So much excitement, what would you wear, what would you say, all of these questions raced through your mind as you got yourself and even Sweetie ready for a night out.

[ithseem]

Scars

Summary: Alan's been dealing with intrusive thoughts and is spiralling deep into self-loathing. Maybe you can help to ease that?

Genre: Hurt/comfort

Rating: teen and up

Content warnings: brief depictions of murder, blood, self-loathing, intrusive thoughts, low self esteem, depictions of physical and emotional scars, angst

crossposted to ao3

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Alan hadn't exactly been dealt the best hand in life. Growing up, he got into more than his share of scrapes, earning scars from some of them. He supposed this was to be expected, given his circumstances, so he never really paid them any mind. That is, until the night he committed the greatest atrocity—he had taken a life. With his bare hands, no less. Though he was unscathed, he could never see his scars in the same indifferent light again. Now all he could do was swallow his horror and disgust and carry on with his day. Sometimes literally, as bile would often threaten to climb up his throat.

Being the captain of Vagastrom did have some of its perks, though. None of his dorm mates really gave much thought to his scars. Although, some of them were fascinated by them, much to his dismay. Was this really all they saw? Just battle scars? Trophies of a life hard-lived? The thought churned his stomach, bile rising as he clenched his fists, the jagged lines on his knuckles mocking him. They didn’t understand—how could they? These weren’t badges of honor. They were brands, seared into his skin by the worst thing he’d ever done.

Part of him wanted them to at least see what it was like. To have their hands sullied by blood and dirt. To see the look of utter disbelief and betrayal upon their victim’s face. To have that feel as if that blood permanently caked onto their hands. To have those images burned into their retinas. But he still knew that no matter how much anger simmered inside him—at his dorm mates for their casual fascination or, more often, at himself—he couldn’t wish the same fate upon them. The thought of any of them committing an act as vile as murder made his chest tighten. He couldn’t bear the idea of them waking up to bloodied hands, unable to scrub the memory clean, condemned to carry the unbearable weight of their own guilt if they survived jail time. The scars might heal, but the rot inside never did. And the intrusive thoughts of wanting them to experience that just cemented that for him SO firmly. 

And then you came into the picture. Little did Alan expect that things would take a massive turn after meeting you. He would sometimes catch you watching him absently stare at his hands. At first you would look away, and quite frankly, he wished it would stay that way. You having that level of fear of him would make things a lot easier for him, but his own desire to have you around told him otherwise. Why did you have to get so comfortable around him? Why did he let himself get so… attached to you? And why do you look at his hands with concern? He’s the last person who needs, or rather, deserves any semblance of concern, let alone from you. Your neck is constantly on the line even without the curse, so why spend any thought on him?

“...Lan.”

“Alan?”

“Earth to Alan?”

Your voice snapped him out of his thoughts. That’s right… You were supposed to be reviewing documents with him. He looked at your pile of unfinished documents and noticed the difference between yours and his own. How long was he spacing out?

“Is... Is everything okay?” You asked. There you go again, showing him undeserved worry.

“Yeah…” he replied. “Just a little spaced out.”

You stared at him uncomprehendingly before ultimately deciding to take a small break. It’s not like staring at his hands while a stack of documents sat in front of him would accomplish anything, so he agreed. But what you said next really took him aback.

“Can I see your hands please?”

“Um… Okay?”

He held out his hands toward you, although not without hesitation. His fingers suddenly felt a lot heavier than normal. Immediately your fingers traced over the lines over his scars and his breath hitched. In any normal circumstance, he’d melt into your soft, warm hands without any hesitation. They were a balm to his larger, more calloused ones, but right now all he wanted to do was pull away from you. You were the last person who deserves to have their own hands sullied by his. As if the blood from his own hands would stain your own. Of course, this was cruel for him as well, since your kindness and gentle hands were a reminder of everything he craved. But he didn’t deserve this from you. And you didn’t deserve the sins seeping from his hands onto your own. As if your own curse wasn’t enough. Why do you have to dirty your own hands willingly? His thoughts drifted to the times he absent-mindedly patted your head, and he sensed the bile burning in his chest again.

You must have sensed Alan was starting to pull away, so you tighten your grip slightly.

“Please give me a moment,” you said, the lines of concern becoming more pronounced. Alan didn’t like where this was going. At least, that’s what he told himself.

You reached for a pen and started to scribble something on his hands where his scars were. “What are you doing?” he muttered, his brow furrowing slightly.

 He watched as the pen rather clumsily glided across his hands. But the strokes still had purpose behind them, and even he could tell that much. He was too entranced to say anything as he watched the small, intricate shapes materialize. You soon stopped once you covered all the scars you could see on his hands. His hands and his chest suddenly felt lighter, much to his own shock.

“Why did you do that…?” Alan muttered.

“I don’t know what you’ve been through exactly,” You replied. “But I can’t just sit idly by while you’re suffering!”

“You-”

“You may see yourself as a monster, but I know that’s not true.” It didn’t look like you were going to back down. He let you carry on knowing you had a lot more to say. A lot more lies. But he couldn’t help but feel comforted.

“Even if the rumours are true, that you killed someone, it’s clear that you regret doing it. So much so that it’s going to consume you. I don’t know the full backstory behind these scars, but I don’t want you to look at them with so much disgust.”

It looks like you were holding back tears at this point. But still you kept going.

“These are the same hands that saved me and Sho from Takeru. I like how they feel when you pat my head. They helped me to stay grounded while I was spiralling in my own thoughts. So please…”

The words seem to have gotten stuck in your throat. 

“You shouldn’t feel sad for me,” Alan finally said, unable to look you in the eye. “I don’t deserve it.”

But you were more stubborn than he expected. You shook your head, the tears in your eyes threatening to spill over. “Don't say that,” you said. Your voice was trembling, but it was steady enough to carry the weight of your words. “You think you’re beyond saving, that you don’t deserve kindness, but that’s not your choice to make. You mean something to me, to Sho, to everyone who’s still here because of you.”

Alan’s throat tightened as he looked away, his jaw clenching. He wanted to argue, to throw your words back at you, but he couldn’t. The tears that welled in your eyes only seemed to fuel your resolve.

“Stop it,” he muttered, his voice cracking. “Stop making me out to be someone I’m not. I don’t want you to…” He trailed off, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. “I don’t want you to look at me like that. Like… Like I’m worth something.”

You reached out, your fingers brushing against his hand, tentative yet firm. ”But you are worth something. You just can’t see it right now. I know you’ve made mistakes—ones I can’t begin to imagine—but you’re still here, trying. That’s more than a lot of people can say.”

He flinched at your touch but didn’t pull away this time. His heart ached, torn between the comfort of your words and the crushing weight of his guilt. “You don’t know what I’ve done,” he whispered, his voice barely audible.

“I don’t need to know everything,” you replied, your hand wrapping gently around his own. “I just need to know who you are now. And right now, you’re someone who’s hurting, someone who’s trying to carry the weight of the world alone. You don’t have to do that anymore.”

For a moment, the room was silent. The warmth of your hand seeped into his, a reminder of something he thought he’d lost long ago. He hated himself for craving it, for letting your words sink in even just a little.

“I…” His voice faltered. He didn’t know what to say. Alan had heard of the phrase "kill them with kindness,' but right now he thinks you might quite literally do that to him.

“You’re not alone, Alan,” you said softly, your tears finally spilling over. “And no matter how much you push me away, I’m not going to leave you behind.”

He closed his eyes, swallowing the lump in his throat. Maybe he didn’t deserve this. But for the first time, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to fight it anymore. Right now he let himself succumb to the warmth of your embrace. That's all he needed at the moment.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Wow. That was a doozy to write. Hope you enjoyed

Also edited to make the story tighter

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

arcane s2 - review

okay so now that i have given my two cents on caitvi and i've had enough time to digest s2 of arcane, what do i think about the rest of it?

overall, i have mixed feelings about it. i didn't hate it but i feel like a lot of the themes and ideas were poorly executed, especially compared to s1.

(huge spoilers to arcane below!)

but let me start with the positives:

the animation OBVIOUSLY. huge props to the animators, s1 was already phenomenonal and s2 lived up to the hype, animation-wise. the fight scenes especially were just *mwah* chef's kiss.

the character designs were great. caitlyn looks a lot prettier with the middle parting. vi's emo phase is really hot. jinx's designs in the alternate universe and the finale were iconic. jayce's beard and disheveled look was just chef's kiss. jesus viktor was hot as fuck.

the voice actors did an amazing job obviously, and i didn't expect anything less from them.

jayce's and viktor's relationship was so good despite not having all that much screentime when you think about it. they interact in the beginning when viktor wakes up from his hex-coma and then reunite and fight and make up in the final few episodes. but because of their relationship that was built up in the first season, it all worked out smoothly and made for a very natural progression in their relationship.

jinx's redemption was pretty good. not the BEST but it was carried out well enough, especially in just 9 episodes. i didn't feel like it was rushed or undeserved. her sacrifice in the end was heartbreaking but it felt natural and not shoehorned in for some added angst.

and now for the negatives:

1. the pacing was really bad, in my opinion. they had only 9 episodes but they stuffed in so many subplots into this season that it felt overwhelming.

maybe i'm just stupid but i couldn't keep up with half of the stuff that was going on and some parts of the finale didn't make a whole lot of sense to me.

like the whole storyline with mel and ambessa and the black rose was a blur to me. i honestly don't know what happened in the end after ambessa dies.

the whole deal with singed and vander and whatnot was also really murky. like i get the overall premise but it was really hard for me to grasp every single detail.

maybe this is just a me problem and i'm too dumb to follow more than two storylines at the same time. but s1 already had a lot going on and it was still a tad bit easier to follow.

s2 was just crammed with a whole bunch of different characters pursuing different goals and facing different obstacles, 9 episodes weren't enough to give all of it a satisfying conclusion. and as a result, some of the arcs felt rushed and unfinished.

like what happened to the whole found family thing with sevika, jinx and isha? they were beginning to get closer and form a good relationship but then suddenly, sevika is pushed out of the image and we never see how she reacts to jinx and isha's death.

2. while i don't think that caitvi is abusive, i still don't think the ship was great. it was just super rushed and there is a grain of truth to what caitvi antis are saying.

like yeah, caitlyn being an enforcer and seeing nothing wrong with it was.. questionable. wasn't the whole point of s1 that enforcers were ruining the lives of the people in zaun? wasn't police brutality and classism the main theme of this series? how come vi's parents were killed by enforcers and she was unfairly imprisoned for years by enforcers, but somehow she ends up dating an enforcer?

before s2 came out, i expected caitlyn to give up her job after realizing how corrupt it was. i thought that would be the natural progression of her arc, especially since she's seen how much the people of the undercity has suffered at the hands of enforcers. but nope, she keeps her job and it's never addressed in the end.

i don't think that caitlyn hitting vi once out of frustration and once out of necessity makes her a domestic abuser. but i do think it's kind of icky for vi to end up in a relationship with an enforcer, and for the show to frame it in a semi-positive manner. it's not entirely romanticized but the problems with it aren't really addressed either.

3. i feel like the themes of classism wasn't as well addressed in this season as it was in the first one. the first season had a strong message and it stuck to it. the second season was all over the place and then suddenly, there's viktor and the whole glorious evolution or whatever, and the conflict between piltover and zaun is pushed aside.

i like that sevika becomes part of the council in the end but is she the only one representing the undercity? is one person enough to speak for all these people in zaun? at least it's true to real life, i guess.

overall, i felt like the message was a lot more murky in this season. this ties to my first complaint because while s1 had a lot of storylines too, they followed a common theme. war, classism, and how privilege and the lack thereof affects people. s2's storylines are just all over the place and none of them seem to follow a theme. at least some of them could have been discarded.

4. i briefly mentioned this before but the fact that jinx stops experiencing her hallucinations never made sense to me. especially after she accidentally killed silco, shouldn't they get worse? it is implied that she has schizophrenia and c-ptsd so i really don't understand how silco's death suddenly got rid of most of her symptoms.

she still sees and hears the hallucinations from time to time and her mental state is definitely far from stable, but it was still such a huge jump from her psychotic breakdown in the s1 finale.

so yeah, these are my thoughts about arcane s2. there were more pros than cons but the cons still outweigh the pros, simply because of how much impact they had on the plot.

i'm generally not one to demand more seasons or episodes out of a series where the writers have already told the story they wanted to tell, but arcane s2 was so rushed and so filled to the brim with different characters and storylines, i couldn't help but feel like it would have benefited from having more episodes to play everything out more slowly.

i still liked this series a lot and i enjoyed watching it, but i'm not blind to its flaws and i try not to be biased.

[sundrop-writes]

Titans Hogwarts House Headcanons

A/N: I started writing this during the summer and never finished it, and now I need to clean out my drafts, so I figured that I would post it unfinished lmao. I hope you guys enjoy it. It's just a random, fun thing that I was thinking about.

NOTE - this is based on the Titans (2018) specific versions of the characters and their personalities. If you think this conflicts with other versions, don't complain about it to me. Make your own headcanons post lmao. Also I'm sorry if I have forgotten any of the characters.

Gar Logan - Hufflepuff

I was torn between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff for him, but I ultimately went with Hufflepuff because I think he has more of those traits. And because he has more of a propensity to run away in the face of danger (which isn't really a bad thing, it's a good protective instinct) - but he's not the kind of boldly (stupidly) brave that a Gryffindor is. When he sees something that is like a 'real life horror movie', he wants to run in the other direction, and he is so smart for that.

And all his other traits are very Hufflepuff - he is intensely loyal, friendly, he has a tendency to make friends very easily (as we see with literally everyone in the show). He always tries to see the best in people, he's positive and bright, and it takes a lot for him to reach anger and actually get mad at people. He's very easy going and calm and just wants to support people.

He is very soft and bright Hufflepuff.

Jason Todd - Slytherin

This is one of the most obvious to me. I know a lot of people think that Slytherin automatically equals 'bad guy', but I am not calling Jason a bad guy with this headcanon. I love his complexity and how his personality fits into this so well. He's clever, he's mouthy, he's sharp - he's sarcastic, defensive. Defensive in a good way - he won't just lay down and let people walk all over him. And he's always very good at speaking his mind.

He's ruthless in his revenge when he feels that he has been wronged, and he is incredibly loyal when he feels that loyalty is earned. (Which unfortunately is something that doesn't get demonstrated much in the show - but he was very loyal to Bruce right up until the point that he felt he got betrayed.)

He has the ultimate hot Slytherin fuckboy personality.

Also him and Gar are the Slytherin/Hufflepuff friendship meme.

Dick Grayson - Gryffindor

At first I was wondering if he was more of a Slytherin, but I realized that him and Jason are straddling opposite ends of the Slytherin/Gryffindor spectrum in such a perfect way. (It's one of the reasons why their characters fight so viscerally and could have also been such an amazing duo.)

He shows a lot of the negative traits of being a Gryffindor - stubbornness, (at times) fierce independence, wanting to be a leader because you don't trust others, being quick to anger because you are upset about injustice, the intense need to save everyone and carrying intense guilt when you can't (especially blaming yourself for not being able to save everyone through impossible conditions).

(He is sooo the Harry Potter of this group.)

And he does have a lot of the positive aspects too - being incredibly loyal, showing intense passion for the ones you love, doing literally anything to save the people you love, letting your love for your family fuel you, not wanting to see injustice/not wanting to see people undeserving of cruelty go through it.

He is the essential flawed Gryffindor and I am obsessed with it.

Kory Anders - Slytherin

Again, a lot of people associate Slytherin with evil, but I love seeing Slytherin traits in the Titans characters for their positive aspects.

Kory has the Slytherin fierceness, the sassyness, the intense loyalty - but she shows this loyalty in the form of defending her loved ones without rules (not caring who she has to kill in order to defend the people she loves), and she has a code of loyalty toward her sister, but she's not afraid to show how unhappy she is about abiding by that code. Which is very Slytherin of her lmao.

I think one of her most Slytherin moments is tricking that mobster woman into shaking her hand and then killing her immediately after she killed her own son, because she couldn't stand to see the injustice, but rather than handling it with a code of correctness and justice, she went straight for the 'eye for an eye' method in order to correct things.

Same with locking Faddei inside her ship - she knew that Rachel needed her more, and so she didn't care about going low and tricking Faddei in order to maintain her loyalty toward Rachel and the Titans.

She is someone who uses her Slytherin traits for good.

Rachel Roth - Hufflepuff

I debated for a few minutes about her as well, but then I realized that she is on the opposite side of the coin that Gar is in terms of Hufflepuffs. Gar is very sociable, very outwardly friendly, tries to be literally everyone's friend, and Rachel is much more shy and reserved, much pickier about who she becomes friends with and who she opens up to - she's more sarcastic, but still generally quiet and not as social.

And her most important Hufflepuff trait - her heart. She is an incredibly empathetic person. She feels intense guilt when she accidentally hurts people, she connects deeply with the people that she loves and would do anything for them, she would rather keep her pain to herself if she thinks that it means avoiding hurting other people. The very high empathy, high emotions, full hearted kind of thing - is very Hufflepuff of her.

Conner Kent - Ravenclaw

Again, this was one that I debated about a bit. He has some Slytherin traits, but I was thinking about that scene where Eve told him "sometimes that anger will be his (Lex Luthor's) and sometimes it will be yours" - when he was new, his emotions and some of his behaviour (like going to Lex's house when he thought it was the Kent farm) was controlled by his epigenetic memories, and later on, even when his more 'Luthor' side is revealed, I still think that he has more Ravenclaw traits than Slytherin traits.

Those traits: he has more measurable knowledge than 'sense' sometimes - and again, this is because he's literally new, but it still makes sense as a Ravenclaw trait; he is incredibly intelligent with that knowledge; he's very studious; and later on in S4 when he has his more Luthor side revealed, he still has a lot of Ravenclaw traits. He is very witty and sarcastic, quick on the tongue, and he displays some of the more negative Ravenclaw traits - speaking without necessarily caring about other people's feelings, being brutally honest, believing that he's superior to others because of his intellect.

I think it fits him very well. I love how the Titans characters display both negative and positive aspects of the house personalities.

Dawn Granger - Ravenclaw

Dawn is at the opposite end of the Ravenclaw spectrum. Rather than being outwardly sarcastic and believing that she's above others because of her knowledge, she is the more quiet, calm, reserved Ravenclaw.

It's clear that she's very intelligent, but more than anything, Dawn displays the extreme emotional intelligence that a lot of Ravenclaws have. She is well in control of her emotions, and she tries hardest to control the emotions of others around her, being an emotional adviser for the people that she loves.

Bonus (aka the ones that I didn't have time to go into detail about)

Hank Hall - Gryffindor (Shows the 'stupidly brave' side of Gryffindor.)

Garth - Gryffindor

Donna Troy - Ravenclaw or Gryffindor

Tim Drake - Ravenclaw (The detective who is a clever observer and figures everything out.)

Barbara Gordon - Ravenclaw

Rose Wilson - Slytherin

Jericho Wilson - Hufflepuff

Jinx - Slytherin (She is a bit selfish, but she is loyal when she needs to be, and she's not afraid to use under-handed tactics to get the job done.)

[peeperperson]

FIRST TWO DRAWINGS FOR DANNYS BIRTHDAY !! Might post evrn morr art later I am not sane anyways take these for now (explaination/Danny yap for the 2nd one under the cut cuz I feel the need to explain myself for making sad art on his birthday)

Okay so short explaination for the 2nd/unfinished looking one (I lowkey hate it but I am posting it anyways cuz it took me an ungodly amount of time....): Basically I feel like Danny might hate his birthdays, because he thinks its the day that he ruined his mothers life, by literally just being born the way he was. He knows that if it wasn't for him, she would have been alive and happy, so he can't really see his birthday as a happy day/something that should be celebrated. Therefore he feels undeserving of a party and such, and thinks people shouldnt go out of their way to bake him a cake/buy him gifts and stuff, since all he can really feel is an insane amount of guilt for literally just having been born if that makes any sense at all. Okay yeah sooo thats why I drew that and if you actually read this then uhh thanks ur very cool frfr!!

[seivsite]

SWEET NOTHINGS.

includes: itoshi sae x fem!reader. hurt/comfort ( it’s mostly the latter ), established relationship, he calls you spanish petnames, lowkey self indulgent — wc: 620

It was 3:56 am, and she had lost track of how long (Name) had been sitting on the couch, eagerly awaiting Sae’s return. Earlier, she had attempted to find solace in sleep, but restlessness took hold, leaving her uncomfortable and yearning for Sae’s tender embrace. She’s acutely aware of her obligation to be in bed, particularly with morning classes awaiting her on the horizon. Yet, an unexplained surge of melancholy envelops her, its origin a mystery dancing in the shadows of her consciousness. Unaware of the silent tears that have slipped from her eyes, she remains lost in the depths of her emotions, unable to decipher their cryptic whispers.

The bedroom doors swung open, unveiling the figure of Sae. Snapping out of her trance, her gaze locked onto Sae, her eyes shimmering with tears. Sae instinctively closed the distance between them, his thumb tenderly wiping away the cascading tears. Kneeling down, he sought to truly see her face and softly inquired, “What’s troubling you, mi amor?”

She averted her gaze from his eyes filled with concern, and Sae, recognizing her need for solace, gently enveloped her in his embrace. Guiding her head towards the shelter of his chest, he tenderly wove his fingers through her hair, seeking to offer solace and comfort, silently whispering reassurance with each gentle stroke.

Mumbled apologies escaped her lips as she nestled her head upon his shoulder. Sae tilted his head in perplexity, his voice gentle as he inquired, “For what?”

Tears welled in her eyes as she continued, “I don’t understand why you’re with me. What makes me special? I feel undeserving of your love and presence—”

Without hesitation, Sae silenced her worries with a tender kiss, unwilling to entertain her self-deprecating thoughts. For in his eyes, she was a radiant, captivating presence, the embodiment of love and beauty that surpassed all measure.

As their lips separated, Sae delicately pressed his forehead against hers, their closeness becoming a profound expression of his unwavering devotion and genuine care.

“Do not let those words escape your lips,” Sae implored, his voice a gentle caress. “In my life, you are the very essence of perfection, the embodiment of all that is extraordinary. My love for you knows no bounds, and it shatters my heart to witness you question your worth. Please, trust in the love I hold for you.”

Tears continued to flow down (Name)’s face, not borne of sadness, but instead fueled by overwhelming happiness and gratitude. Sae tenderly cradled her in his arms, pressing gentle kisses upon her forehead, whispering sweet nothings. With each passing moment, her sobs began to subside, finding solace in his comforting presence.

Sae suggested they freshen up, leading (Name) to the bathroom. While he took a swift shower, (Name) tended to her tear-stained face, indulging in a long overdue skincare routine alongside him. Giggles escaped her lips as Sae’s serum threatened to spill onto the counter, a lighthearted moment amid their shared intimacy.

By the time they were done, the first rays of the rising sun painted the sky in a soft palette of colours, heralding the dawning of a new day. (Name) had made the decision to call in sick, and Sae, sensing her weariness, insisted that she take much-needed rest by his side. They found their way to the comfort of the bed, where Sae enveloped her in a tender embrace.

“Sleep well, mi sol,” he whispered, planting a gentle kiss upon her lips.

She responded with a contented hum, the weariness from her earlier emotional release finally catching up with her. Drifting into the realm of dreams, she found solace and tranquillity in the comforting rhythm of his heartbeat, surrendering herself to a peaceful slumber.

NOTES. i forgot i had this in my drafts unfinished, so, here’s the finished piece! mi amor means my love, mi sol means my sun. i think sae calling his s/o his sun while he’s like the moon ykyk its kinda cute to me i rly like the idea heheehhe

TAG LIST. @yanqingisim @rintosei @m8bius

LIKES AND REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED! ‹3

[ace-writer-lani]

Works

Hi I'm Lani! I go by she/her. Sometimes I draw, but I mainly write fanfics. (I've recently gotten back into writing PJO fics).

Anyways, I'll be linking all of my finished/WIP ao3 works here as well as some future fics I have planned.

My asks are always open if you want to ask questions about my fics or if you just want to say hi! (I'm always down to ramble about whatever).

Current WIPs:

-The Blooming from Darkness series (My son of Persephone Nico AU)

Part one: One Death One Bloom (completed; 14.6k) Pre-Lotus Hotel & Casino Part two: Hidden Seeds (completed; 9.5k) In the Lotus Hotel & Casino Part three: The Children of Spring and Destruction (WIP; 19.7k) Titan's Curse -> HoO

-Violence: The Question (A Series) (WIP)

A fic centering around Reyna pre-canon/pre-TLH

-A Final Revelation (WIP; 3.3k)

Based on this post where Jason is stuck as a ghost in the living world and can't enter the Underworld until he resolves his Unfinished Business: confessing his feelings to Leo

-The Undeserved and Unfinished (WIP)

Coming soon

-The Languages of Love by Solangelo series

The Love Language of Lying (completed; 9.9k)

Solangelo fic based on this post

The Love Language of Fighting (completed; 1.1k)

Will spars against Nico

-The Sparks of Fire (Valgrace) series

Engines and Explosions (completed; 1.1k)

Valgrace oneshot based on this post

Kitchens and Kisses (completed; 2k)

Leo somewhat tries to teach Jason to bake

-2024 Solangelo Week

The Love Language of Fighting (completed; 1.1k)

Prompt: Free Day

Completed Fics:

-Only know for sure that I'm all yours (forever) (1.4k)

Solangelo proposal fic based on this post

Some of the common tags I sort my posts by:

[orpheusallthewaydown]

I was asked to make poetic smut, here's the unfinished result:

I could have loved you differently. Better maybe. But i never could have loved you more. I was pitiful in all aspects of my life, but in loving you i found my excellence. And never did we love harder than that night.

In the way a man speaks to an angel; that is the way i spoke to you. You were beautiful, divine, ethereal. You opened the door to me and the light shone from behind you in a way that showed all the wonderful outlines of your body at the same time as it creates a halo of warmth welcoming me in.

If you were an angel that night then you had fallen in your sin of loving someone as undeserving as me. But my sin was to know that, and to still anchor you down with my hands, pulling you from your Eden into a heaven of our own making.

Its surprising how quickly any barrier can be torn down in the name of love. Your bedroom door opened almost of its own accord, our clothes slipped off our bodies like the water that slid off you one night at the beach, when we skinnydipped as teenagers. The day i fell in love with you and found the reason for living. Not just to love, but to love you, exactly like this.

Even in the dimness of the warm glow your skin shone with perfection.

[impala124]

Bad Buddy Ep 11

My thoughts on Ep 1 | Ep 2 | Ep 3 | Ep 4 | Ep 5 | Ep 6 | Ep 7 | Ep 8 | Ep 9 | Ep 10

Me, at the end of this episode:

Oh, nothing to see here. Just a pair of queer kids running away from home (temporarily?) because their love isn't accepted by their parents.

Okay, where are we now? A zero waste village and a seaside town. Don't tell me we're going back to the architecture volunteer camp town from Ep 6.

They are talking about Uncle Tong. So, they did go back to the camp town from Ep 6.

Junior, their unlicensed couples counselor, is here too!!

My boys clearly didn't plan this trip, and it shows. Thank God for Uncle Tong, who is going to let them stay with him.

Junior doesn't want to leave this little seaside town. I get you, Junior! Boy, do I get you.

"Whoever talks about our parents first loses." Everything's gotta be a competition with these two. I just can't 😂 I mean, given how the last deal (confession) they made ended with both of them winning, I'm looking forward to this.

Pran asking Pat to get his head off his tummy because it's heavy and Pat saying that it's because Pran is always on his mind. Well, Pran, you chose to pine after this boy for years, so deal with this!!

Both of them are hopeless in the kitchen. Pran can at least toast some bread to save his life.

Remember when Pat set the fire alarm off trying to grill some sausages for Pran? yeah.

They'll be eating toasted bread with condensed milk or ketchup until one of them takes some cooking classes.

Junior is clearly the head chef today, with Pran acting as the sous chef, and Pat is just doing his part by not taking part in the cooking.

Their brand of flirting is not kid-friendly, so sir, please calm yourself.

Pran is thinking about his mom while making her special sauce and reminiscing about his time as her assistant in the kitchen. 😭😭😭.

Pat saying, 'We can do anything we want here,' while forcing the guitar into Pran's hands. The parallels between Pran playing the guitar and Pran loving Pat are paralleling.

Who is that uncle with Uncle Tong, and why did he comment on Pran's guitar skills? Is he going to offer Pran a JOB??!!

Pat is definitely one of God's stronger soldiers for allowing Pran to serenade him with company present. I'll leave it there

Junior wants to be like Uncle Tong when he grows up, but his mom wants something 'less tiring' for him. Interesting.

Pat saying, 'Don't believe everything she says. Adults aren't always right', to which Pran can only reply with a noncommittal Hmmm is very telling. Pran, my beloved, What are you thinking??

Junior is running away from his mom. Now, where else can I find boys who are running away from their parents because they too want something else for their kids? No, not here. Okay, I guess I'll have to keep looking.

The conversation between Junior's mom and Pran is something every young adult (at least the Asian ones for sure; can't speak for others) has at least once in their lifetime.

Of course, Pran, my beloved, looks at Junior's mom and thinks of his own.

Junior insists on staying, but his mom wants to take him back as planned. The foreshadowing is so loud with this one that I need to get some earplugs to protect my ears.

Hey, it's the uncle from before, and he's the owner of this bar.

They've clearly reverted to using the BARTER SYSTEM in this town because I've yet to see any money exchange hands.

I've got my theories on Pran looking longingly at the sight of a random guy playing the guitar and commenting that he's great when Pat asks him if he wants to join along. You see, it has everything to do with him feeling UNDESERVING of Pat's love.

I guess Pran wants to finish that unfinished song that he sang for Pat and Junior the other day.

Pat, bestie, what do you mean Uncle Yod (the bar owner, I guess) is offering y'all a permanent job??!! Do you guys have a duration in mind for how long the trip will be? Thank you, Pran, for asking Pat if he wants to stay for a long time.

Oh, Pran just putting the SIM card away after Pat more or less tells him that he, in fact, does want to stay there for some time 😭😭.

Pran, sir, your avoidant behavior is acting up; get it under control.

See, now, I'll be defending Pran wanting to call his mom because Pat informed Pa about his whereabouts, so Pat's family knows that he's okay, which isn't the case with Pran.

Pran's "I don't want to go back now" is very telling with heavy emphasis on the now.

See, relationships aren't easy, and they don't just happen; it takes effort and communication.

Pat is pissed, which he definitely has a right to be.

Now, don't tell me that Pran brought THE SEAWEED SNACK from Ep 6 and offered it to Pat.

He did. Pat, now's the time for payback. I understand that you're mad at Pran, and taking the snack, which is clearly a peace offering, would be giving in, BUT LICK PRAN'S FINGER, damnit. DO IT FOR ME.

Pat didn't give in, bestie; where'd you get that restraint from, and can I borrow it?

'I can be anywhere as long as I have you.' ASDFGHGGF

So, Pat was ready to fold when Pran offered him the snack, so we are kind of in the same boat in the restraint department.

The kiss on the beach is just ADFGSHG. I love their playful kisses, bit the emotional ones just make me go feral.

Now, I'm glad they got to have their first time here, without Pa's bladder interrupting them.

Post-nut clarity is real because they clearly made some decisions, even if they haven't shared them with each other yet.

Okay, Junior is leaving with his mom.

No, but they actually do look like a pair of dads sending off their son to boarding school before the term begins.

'To be with you for at least one more day... ' Who's chopping the fucking onions over here?!

@starryalpacasstuff I guess this is where the faith you told me to have comes into play. I'll take your word for it, bestie, and persist because I don't think I like where this is headed.

Pran is crying, and I'm not OKAY.

They are leaving the next day??!!

Uncle Tong is the unsung hero of this series, and everyone deserves to have someone like him in their corner.

Reusable tumbler, you say? You, Uncle Tong, are an inspiration!!

Pran serenading Pat with a song he wrote about their love is going to be the death of me.

I'm getting glimpses of Pa & Ink, Korn & Wai together—so my ships are sailing smoothly.

"You might think one man can't change the world. But I want you to know that this world can't change someone like me either"—words to live by, especially in these trying times.

'Have you ever pictured what it'd be like if our families weren't enemies?' I'm glad you asked, bestie, because I've been thinking about it since the day I met y'all. You guys would've been like Ink and Pa.

Fam, let it be on record that Dissaya serving Pat her seafood sauce and them feeding each other before their family broke me irrevocably😭😭😭. She didn't even let Pat give Pran some admin documents irl.

Let's go home & Good luck, buddy with tears in their eyes.

I don't know why I'm this affected because this was the only plausible outcome. But this shit still hurts. It's a good thing I planned ahead and can just dive into the next episode now.

The whole sequence of Pat throwing away the SIM card by saying that no one can bother them now, encouraging Pran to do the same by dangling the possibility of freedom in front of him, and Pran following through and Pat revealing that he just pretended to throw it away, which makes Pran reveal that he too didn't throw away the card because he knows Pat just screams foreshadowing with throwing away the SIM cards being a metaphor for severing ties with their parents. Pat is a filial son, to his own detriment at times, and Pran knows it.

Pran's "Being with you already feels like freedom" to Pat & his "Is it even my job to be responsible for your feelings?" to his mom are very interesting, to say the least. There is a lot of emphasis being put on Pran and his desire for freedom. Me thinks Pran is ready to stop letting others, especially his mom, make decisions for him.

They doubled down on the whole 'familial rivalry being an allegory to homophobia' thing in the episode with

Run away to a place where there's only us. Do you think they'll allow it? Our parents won't. But some people might. We like each other. Why does it bother anyone?

Tagging the usual suspects: @shortpplfedup, @incandescentflower, @starryalpacasstuff, @7nessasaryevils, @greenteadumplings, @grapejuicegay, @madworld-bbs, @usodeshou, @tao-moonb, @fanatic-freakshow @desi-yearning. If anyone wishes to be tagged in the future, let me know.

[generation-of-vipers]

I do not like the things I produce, but should it have come from another persons mind; i’d have thought better of the product.

just something I’ve come to realise as of recent— probably a little late, considering I’ve just turned 17 as of January and something like that seems so obvious. Between the 24 (and counting) drafts I have on here and the unfinished musings littering my journal— to the countless illusions of human form I draw these days that remain faceless— I have come to realise how my own self perception and insecurity in who I am simply as a person (beyond the creations I bare) has horribly and grotesquely limited me. I suppose I’ve always had the shadow of the idea lingering in the back of my head— like a brand to a window on a stormy night in my hyperbolic childhood bedroom, it scared me and I didn’t want to face it because I was unsure of what it truly was. But recently, I decided to address the whisper of contempt lingering every time I create. As I write this, I am rather dizzy with fatigue as I am coming off of having been ill— and the contemptuous voice is as loud as ever. It questions the validity of what I say, the verbosity, the lack of structure I seem to convince myself my writings have. Whenever I’ve spoken of my ‘perfectionism’ in the past, the bitter words that linger like a bad smell were truly what I meant. I overexplain and I overthink, I criticise myself to the point of the extreme and I feel as if I severely lack the capacity to be kind and appreciate what I write on here. Whenever I get compliments, I do appreciate them and they do soothe the feeling of inadequacy my mind loves to pump into me. But sometimes, it’s hard for me to believe them. I’ve been told that I’m well spoken and that I am intelligent— I’ve been told I’m emotionally mature and that I’ve got a brain ‘beyond my years’. All of that shit feels stupid to me. Don’t get me wrong— I find people who take the time out of their day to compliment me on the way I express myself or speak to be very lovely and I will always be grateful for the praise I’ve received as I’m sure there’s someone on the same level— If not levels above— me who doesn’t get half of the praise I do. But that’s the problem. I, in laymen’s terms and without over saturating a small feeling I have, feel undeserving of the praise I receive. Not because it’s objectively poor— but because I did it. But because it was me that those words were placed so carefully next to eachother like bricks to construct a house of personally-formulated-esotericism-laden ideology. I feel embarrassed that it took me so long, but I’m glad I did. I guess I can look at my work differently now— even if I struggle with that. But when I sit there and think about some of my favourite literature and think ‘and what if it had been me to say that?’ in reference to some of my favourite lines in literature— and I realise ‘it wouldn’t be as good in my eyes because it would have been me to spew the words’, it puts into perspective for me, just how little respect I have for my own intelligence and work. Which, yeah, is lowkey pathetic that I have a lacking repertoire with myself— but at least now I’ve acknowledged it. This kinda ties back into my post about acceptance— I just have to accept this part of me, and then I can improve on the things I’ve been neglecting because of my entire ‘why bother, it’s my work’ attitude, you know?

forgive me if this post seems a little bit loose-ended. I’m sick at the moment and as of writing this, a little dizzy. But I had this epiphany recently in my fever-struck 2am delusion all the while I struggled to breathe because of my blocked nose 😛😛 I literally wrote it down in the dark on a piece of paper on the nightstand by my bed lol I just wanted to talk a little into the void about it. Thank you for reading.

[craziestfangirl98]

That was an amazing amazing finale. I was soooo worried that we would loose out on some key points. But it stuck the landing brilliantly. I have zero complaints.

The moment Dohoi went to see HyeonHo about the case, I knew that HyeonHo would not take the route and I think that was the moment of healing for him. For so long he has been seeing himself as a failure. He is stuck at the moment where he saw himself in the mirror holding a knife to his father. He is stuck at the moment he called the police earlier and it went the wrong way and hurt the only person who has cared for him, something he still feels guilt over. He is stuck at the moment where he decided that although he hasn't actually gotten into Hanseol Uni, he is going to let people believe that because he loves the reverence people have over that. They have been haunting him for so long. And will probably continue to do so. So the moment he chooses to call the police when he sees Gwangmo at the school being hurt is a break through moment for him. It has me sobbing like a baby.

I love the way the tutoring centre all came together because they realise that as much as he did falsify his credentials he still helped the kids improve.

I love that Juyeong gets to be a little more vocal, honest. Seeing Dohoi be able to live life honestly makes it easier to stop walking on eggshells for him because it's such a stepping point.

I loved that we got to finally also give HyeonHo some relief. There has always been this anxiety about what he means in Dohoi's life, so seeing him and Dohoi saying that he was his friend must mean so much to him and means so much more to me. It doesn't feel empty or undeserved or unfinished. It has a completion to all the angst of not just the past 10 years but more.

On a side note: it feels so powerful to think that one instance, had such a significant impact on adding to the guilt of all three of them because they only knew their own side of the stories. At the same time the one person who probably should feel guilty couldn't give a damn.

The moments of pure domesticity, them going back to the village and reckoning with the moments in the past. Juyeong absolutely refusing to accept any kind of a separation. Everything was put there to bring everything together, help us see just why they work well together. Till last week we were all at various levels of worried about them not being able to end the series together because I personally didn't fully get what would rectify the mistakes and hurt they've caused each other and themselves and these moments gives us a breathe of relief because it's no longer suffocating and suppressing but rather let's them breathe. I love it.

The fact that Juyeong gets to keep Taekwondo for himself still is so important to me because I was constantly thinking since I started, how they are gonna 'fix' the curse and just by letting it be what it is supposed to he they have healed so much.

Also! Loooooove Juyeong's colleagues spilling his sob story. We stan!

I ESPECIALLY LOVED the conversation about going back to uni, Dohoi being sooooo exhausted with Juyeong's bathroom habits and the final scene with Dohoi seeing Juyeong's search history.

Juyeong's search history reminded me of Jiang Tian's 'moments' in The On1y One and again absolutely wrecked me.

All in all, it was fantastic and I am going to keep coming back to this so so much.